Neil Pie

Not strictly something she said, but something worth a mention all the same.

Sat in my chair the other night feeding our two week old son, and Laura-Jane walks in and wants to show me something related to babies on the internet. Awesome. I love baby stuff on the internet, it’s one of my all time top 5 stuffs on the internet.

Admittedly we both had about 2 hours sleep between us at this point due to our son deciding that he doesn’t want to be put down at any point between midnight and 8AM, but still it brought a smile to my face when I watched Laura-Jane sit down in front of my machine, think for a second, then type the word ‘google’ into Google, click on the first search result (i.e. Google) and then proceed to google whichever bit of baby stuff she was trying to show me. I forgot that part.  I won’t forget the googling incident for a while though…

Laura-Jane and I like movies. Beaches and Grease aside, our movie tastes share a great deal of common ground. In fact,  it was when I overheard her championing Death Race 2000 to her friends whilst out drinking one night that I realised she was a serious candidate for a ‘life-partner’.

Anyway, one of our favourite pass-times is to force the other to watch a ‘must-see’ film of our choosing that they have somehow managed to avoid seeing thus far. It was while introducing Laura-Jane to the wonder that is Totall Recall the other night that she came out with this classic example of how her brain works.

It’s the end of the film, and Arnie and his athletic, sleazy AND demure chick have switched on the martian reactor, been blown onto the surface of the planet, fallen down a martian mountainside and are busy having their eyeballs sucked out because of the lack of any atmosphere. Nothing too baffling there, at which point Laura-Jane says…

“This film is stupid. How come they fell down the mountainside if there isn’t any air? There can’t be gravity if there isn’t any air.”

.. and thus began a surreal explanation of how it’s the atmosphere that keeps us all on the planet because we are all heavier than air, of how there is no gravity on the moon because there is no atmosphere there, and how the people who walked on the moon weren’t kept from floating away by gravity, but in fact it was the lead in their boots.

Confused?

Please don’t get me wrong, I love my partner.  She is a wonderful woman who must have infinite patience to put up with me the way she does. Unfortunately Laura Jane has a tendency to come out with some of the most ridiculous questions and comments I have ever heard a person above the age of 7 utter.

I’m not trying to imply that she is stupid, far from it – the girl is a university graduate and head of department at a grammar school. I just wonder how her mind works when she can come out with such questions as ‘Do you ever wonder what it would be like if  forks were in charge of the world?’.

Sometimes I’m left speechless. A mutual friend suggested I create a web site totally devoted to these inane soundbites, and so until I get the chance to I shall document as many as I can here, under the category ‘Laura Jane Says…’.

I hope they bring you as much enjoyment as they have me.